The foundation of getting a life is having a sound identity and sense of self.
Use your brain – using your head in matters of the heart. Have you ever found yourself in a relationship that was driven by nothing but raw emotions, only to find later that the relationship was doomed from the start? There seems to be a very thin line between romance and real love. What many of us singles dream about is the kind of romantic love we watch in movies, read in novels etc.
Real love is Agape love – The kind of love that you develop and mature. It is not based mainly on things you can see or benefit from, but rather it focuses more on seeking the good of one another. Agape is about support, nurture, encouragement, acceptance and companionship. This is the kind of love and foundation that marriage should be built on. It is therefore important that in choosing our partner, we do not become too emotional. We should learn to use our own brain and not get carried away by emotions. There is the need to balance the head and the heart.
This Principle can be summarized thus:
B= Balance the head and the heart
R=Refrain from physical intimacy
A=Analyze your past relationship
I= Include others in your progress
N=Never neglect opportunities to evaluate along the way
Be equally yoked – an unequal yoke will simply move around in circles because they are incompatible. You should not partner with someone you are not spiritually compatible with (ie not of the same faith and spiritual belief)
In the same manner, Character, Compatibility is equally important. So also is Physical Compability that is there should be some measure of attraction for each other, Social Compatibility ; talks about your likes and dislikes and ensures that the two of you can flow.
Tip 4: Take it slow
Don’t be too much in a hurry. Don’t let your age, society, family, friends etc put you under pressure to rush or hurry into marriage. It is important that we take time to develop our relationship. No one goes into marriage with the goal of getting a divorce, yet many people do . It is not how soon you get married but how well
Reasons to take it slow
- You do not get to know a person in a short time.
- You need time to cultivate intimacy.
- You protect yourself from getting attached too quickly
- You are building a sure foundation.
Tip 5: Set Clear Boundaries
Setting Boundaries helps us define what we are willing to do and what we are not. Here are some of the areas we need to set boundaries:
- Your Body : We must learn to define or draw definite lines in the physical /sexual areas or we can get blitzed in the dating process.
Your body belongs to you – and whatever you do with it (good or bad) you will be the one to feel the consequence for instance, if you take an overdose of drug you will be the one to feel the discomfort.
Physical boundaries includes the ability to say no when your partner wants to go beyond what you believe is appropriate . More-so your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit.
- Your Emotions – The ability and willingness to identify and express what you are truly feeling is probably the single most important factor in promoting intimacy within your relationship.
You need to have perfect control of your feelings . If you discover that your feelings are dictated by your partner’s actions or emotions. If this continues then you might not even be able to help him out of difficult situations when you are married.
- Your actions – Most of us believe that we can change the other person. This is not true- It takes God and the Holy Spirit to do that. You can’t change someone, you can only complement the person. It is sinful and wrong to try to control other people.